the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dicks are not precious.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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