You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
