you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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