i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
