why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
