pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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