So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
