I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
