the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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