I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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