So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
