so that wasnt chicken after all
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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