my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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