This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i think i have two assholes
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
