Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
