jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
