you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
