I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
the raccoons are back...
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