We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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