i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
