Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
