is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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