Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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