just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Quick, to the slutcave!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
