WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
