I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
