Don't make out with my wife yet
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
