Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
