How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
