Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
