is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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