My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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