Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
jump out the window naked night went bad
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