Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
