Me. At least after what I've been through.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
