my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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