My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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