Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
