eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Randomize
