I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
