Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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