And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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