Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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