My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
