maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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