everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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