She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
