When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
