dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
