A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
