I just threw up on my dentist
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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