Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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