I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
