Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
