ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
